how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
