I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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