She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
