I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
