Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
