This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
