Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
