Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
