Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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