had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You pole danced in your parka.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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