I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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