I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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