I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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