You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
