I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
