I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
