woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
