i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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