Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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