dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
