Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
