ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
