Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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