I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize