We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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