2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
