i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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