Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Say something about gay babies.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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