Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
