omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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