Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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