my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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