I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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