Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
