She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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