I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
