I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize