We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
