I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
