i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
