I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
