I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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