I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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