just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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