so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
