you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
