Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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