Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
