three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
