I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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