dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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