Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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