You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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