Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
