Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
