i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
