i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
