dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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