Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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