i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
