Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
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Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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