I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Randomize
