So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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