i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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