I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
