apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
