Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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