Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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