if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
