No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
