I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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