I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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