Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
