I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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