i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
