he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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