Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
