Don't you send me to vm
My hand turned me down
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
